Families come in many different forms and sizes. No matter who you are, and no matter where you're from, there is a pretty good chance you were raised by some sort of family.
A traditional nuclear family consists of a father (husband), mother (wife), and a child or two. Now, as many people know, life doesn't always go as planned, and sometimes this "typical" family foundation is broken. A large percentage of marriages in this day and age end in divorce, in turn, breaking up these families.
Here is a bit of my family background.
I grew up an only child with a single mother. My parents were married for a decent amount of time before they decided to start a family. I was a completely planned for baby, but what they may not have necessarily planned for was a divorce. At age 3, my parents split up, and to this day I can still remember the day my father left our home.
I often wonder how life might have been different, had I grown up with a father figure. At times I've even wondered about the effect growing up father-less may or may not have had on my sexuality (I think it would have been harder to accept my sexuality with him in my life). My father and I have crossed paths less than a dozen times since I was 3 years old (I'm 23 now), and I'm 99% sure he doesn't know about my sexuality. Given his very traditional El Salvadorian heritage, I'm not sure how well coming out to him would go over. Sometimes its best to let things be as they are.
As far as my existant family, I have an incredibly accepting and loving mother who I am beyond thankful for. She has never once questioned me about my sexuality or my decisions as an adult. Growing up she encouraged me to be myself and promised to always love me no matter what (as a parent should).
All of that being said, most of my family has never asked about it. They know that I host my own radio show geared towards the LGBT community and equal rights, but have never actually brought up the subject with me. One aunt of mine briefly brought it up last December during our one-on-one dinner celebrating my birthday. I was obviously honest with her, and she didn't really seem shocked with my response (SURPRISE!).
I know that I'm a VERY lucky young woman to have the love and support of my family. A large percentage of LGBT youth end up on the streets and homeless after coming out to their families and friends. I am grateful for each day that I am loved by the people I have in my life.
Having a family and raising children is a huge responsibility.
Many LGBT people have the same desires as heterosexuals when it comes to wanting to reproduce and/or nurture and love a baby.
As someone who identifies as LGBT and loves children, I occasionally find myself thinking about different ideas of how I'd like to construct a family of my own someday.
Luckily, today's society is gradually becoming more accepting of the LGBT lifestyle and equality, in turn making the idea of being queer and having a family much less scary.
When looking at homosexual vs heterosexual family situations, one thing that tends to stick out most is that the majority of children belonging to LGBT couples are completely planned for and wanted. It really only makes sense... Homosexual couples obviously can't reproduce on their own, which means that having a family will require an extensive amount of work and planning. These couples have taken the time and money to ensure that they are ready for such a huge responsibility and can provide a safe, loving , and caring home.
There are a number of options for LGBT people who are considering starting their own families.
While doing some research for this article, I stumbled upon a website called Pride Angel . They are a website based out of the UK and are "committed to helping single, lesbian, gay and infertile couples become parents through donor conception and co-parenting". I found their website to be informative and though it would be appropriate to share bits and pieces of their list of options for LGBT people considering a child. Enjoy!
Here is a list of some options for LGBT individuals considering children, directly from the Pride Angel website:
Adoption
"Adoption is a way of providing a new family for a child when living with their own family is not possible. For many children, adoption may be their only hope of experiencing secure family life."
Fostering
"Fostering is about caring for a child in your own home. For a whole variety of reasons there are around 42,300 children (in England year to March 2008) who are placed with foster carers by social services departments. Many of these children will eventually return to their families. In some cases this may take a matter of days or weeks in others it may take much longer.
If a return is not possible a decision may be made to find them a permanent new family, either through adoption or long-term fostering.
In the vast majority of cases children in foster care will have regular contact with their families and their parents will continue to have responsibilities towards them throughout the time they are in foster care."
Surrogacy
"Surrogacy is an option for gay men and gay couples wanting to be full time parents. Surrogacy is where another woman carries the baby for a couple who can’t have a child themselves. Either the surrogates own eggs or those of an egg donor can be fertilised by the man’s sperm."
Donor Insemination
"Being a gay single man or within a couple, you may wish to donate sperm to a single woman or lesbian couple. You can donate to an unknown person through a fertility clinic or alternatively you can donate directly to a friend or someone you have met through a connection service such as Pride Angel. Donor insemination can be performed within a fertility clinic or home environment using a home insemination kit. "
Co-parenting
"Co-parenting is typically an arrangement between a gay man and a lesbian woman or gay and lesbian couple, who team up to parent the child together, however this is not an exclusive option as many single people also choose this option as they may not have found the ‘right person’. In this situation parental responsibility is shared and many details need to be worked out such as, what role each parent will have, how much contact with the child will they have and how financial costs will be split. As this can be complicated it is advisable to get legal advice before entering into any co-parenting arrangement. Being able to discuss with your co-parent what you expect from the start, can prevent a lot of problems occurring further down the line."
After reading into it a bit, I realized that there are actually many more options for LGBT people to create families than I had originally thought.
I also have abstract concept that might be an interesting option for lesbian couples.
In this concept, both of the women would first have their eggs harvested. The next step would be to fertilize both of the eggs at the same time (either both with the same man's sperm or by each woman's donor of choice). The next step would be to implant the embryo into the opposite woman it came from. Each woman would then be acting as a surrogate for her partner, eventually giving birth to her partner's baby. If the same man's sperm were to be used for both women, the children would be related by blood and have been carried by the biological mother's parter. How cool would that be???
I realize that in many ways this might not be a realistic idea, but for some it would be a really awesome option. Obviously this would require much time and financial security, and the idea of two women being pregnant at the same time might less than ideal, but this could also be done at separate times and still have the same awesome outcome.
With the medical techniques available today I think this is a completely possible idea and would make for a truly original family experience.
Studies that have been conducted examining children with same-sex parents conclude that these children are average, everyday children.
In fact, in an article on the The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of Virginia website, one study has shown that children coming from lesbian families may even do better in social situations than their peers with heterosexual parents (see quote below).
"Moreover, the UVA and GWU researchers found that the children of gay or lesbian parents in the study showed typical gender development, regardless of family type. Most boys, whether of same-sex couples or heterosexual couples, acted much in the same way as similarly aged boys. And the girls of same-sex or heterosexual couples acted much in the same way as similarly aged girls.
In another study, published in early June in the journal Pediatrics, researchers found that children of lesbian couples grew up better adjusted and were rated higher in social and academic competence than their peers. They also showed less inappropriate aggressive behavior and were better at following rules than their counterparts."
All in all, families and children are a lifetime commitment, and I think its fabulous that so many LGBT-identified people want to take on this responsibility. Maybe over time we'll see more positive cases like this, showcasing that gay and queer people can be excellent parents as well. What it all comes down to is that raising children requires people to put love, support, time and energy into raising the future of our nation.
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